The Muppet Show: On Ice
by Swimming Poole
Summary: When business begins to slow down for the Muppet Theater,Kermit and the gang decide to liven things up by taking the mayhem onto the rinks. This is a work in progress,chapter 2 coming soon. Enjoy chapter 1 in the meantime.
1. Chapter 1

"The Muppet Show: on Ice"

'Twas a slow time for business at the Muppet Theater. Aside from their usual antagonist audience of Statler & Waldorf, the Muppets hardly had an audience at all. The last show they did was performed in front of a completely empty house except for their infamous balcony! Kermit the Frog had had enough after that night, so one evening (it was a Tuesday evening, but that really doesn't matter), he called everyone for a meeting (it was an important meeting, which really DOES matter). This meeting was to see if anyone had any ideas, no matter how crazy or ambitious, on how to put on a fresh new show and sell more seats (even if the seats sold were to be eaten by hungry audience members with a taste for furniture).

Once everyone came, Kermit had them all seated in the house while he spoke with them onstage. "Hi ho everyone" he greeted them in his usual, adamant, host-like style. Immediately, Miss Piggy stood up and flirtingly blew him a kiss much to his chagrin. "Um, *gulp* yes, hello to you too, Piggy. Anyway, you all are probably wondering why I called you all here tonight. Well, as you may already know, our last few weeks's worth of shows hasn't really been selling well. I've called you here to see if any of you had any ideas." Kermit then embraced himself for any, if not all, of the shocking things he expected to hear from his madcap cast/crew.

Pepe the King Prawn was the first to speak. "How about a special "Ladies' Night", ok?" Everyone groaned in unison to the sexist little prawn's transparent attempt to fling himself out to the women, Piggy found it especially annoying. "Why do you even BOTHER, shrimp-face??" she growled, towering over him. Seeing that he was defeated by the much bigger pig, Pepe just sat back down, mumbling something in Spanish. "Ok" Kermit said nervously, "anyone else here have any ideas?" The Swedish Chef waved his spatula in the air. "Yes, Chef?" The Chef proceeded to babble in his usual incoherent Swedish(or at least Swedish-sounding) tongue something about a cook-off. "Hmm, interesting idea(*not to mention much more tastefull than Pepe's idea*), but still not what I think we're looking for. Nice try, though." The dejected Chef shrunk into his seat and pouted.

"How about hosting a dog show?" suggested Rowlf. "Nah! How about I write a whole musical stage show about the joys of gouda cheese?" Rizzo interjected. "BOXING MATCH!! BOXING MATCH!!" shouted Animal "We should host the first ever boomerang fish convetnion!" exclaimed Lew Zealand. "A fireworks show would be a BLAST!!" cackled Crazy Harry, who pushed down on his detonator and took out half a row with his explosion.

At this point, everyone was firing ideas from one direction to another, thus resulting in the usual mayhem infesting the Muppet Theater. "ENOUGH!!!!!!!" Kermit shouted at the top of his amphibean lungs. "If we want to get ANYWHERE with this, we should hear everyone's idea completely one at a time. Ok??" Everyone hushed down. "I have an idea, boss" Scooter said calmly. "Ok, Scooter" Kermit said, trying to ease his frazzled nerves. "What do you have in mind?" "How about we take the show and put it on ice?" Everyone just looked at the go-fer with disbelief. "No really, we rent out an entire skating rink and put on a show there!"

"Scooter" Kermit began, "as much as I like that idea, I don't think we can afford to do such a show." "Well, my uncle who owns the theater always liked watching ice skating and stuff like that…" The frog suddenly had to give in. If there was anything he had no choice but to surrender to, it would have to be whenever Scooter played the old "my uncle who owns the theater" card. "Sheesh" he sighed, "if that's what your stubborn, old uncle wants, that's what he gets."

Kermit then regained his stamina for the moment. "I guess it's official then, gang: 'The Muppet Show: on Ice' it is!"


	2. Chapter 2

One week after the meeting, rehearsals were immediately under way to bring The Muppet Show to the ice.

Scooter invited his twin sister, Skeeter, to be in charge of all the choreography in the show. Unfortunately, very few of the Muppets she was teaching had any experience skating on ice. "Alright, gang" she said. "I take it you all remember the moves I taught you last night? If not, they go like this…" She then demonstrated a triple spin in the air and followed with seven figure-eights.

Everyone was on the stage in roller skates to (futilely) simulate the ice skating experience. Only a trio of penguins picked up the choreography as needed while the other Muppets stumbled as one would simply expect them to; Scooter couldn't do a spin on the ice let alone the air, Pepe got dizzy after three figure-eights while Rizzo fainted after two, and Beauregard slipped and fell on top of the nauseous king prawn the moment he began skating.

"Scooper" moaned Pepe from under Bo, "jour sister is trying to kill us ok!" Scooter just sighed, "She always WAS the star athlete of the family…" "Whatever, now can somebody get dis lump off me?" "Oops, sorry" chuckled Bo as he lifted himself off the crushed prawn. "Eh, what are jou anyway?" Pepe questioned, "A sloths or someting ok?" "Uh… I'm a stagehand!" the dim-witted janitor/stagehand replied. Pepe shook his little head in exasperation. "Dios mio" he muttered, "and here we thought Gonco was de 'what-are-you' creature…"

Meanwhile, Kermit had troubles of his own. Not only did his performers fail miserably to skate, he couldn't find a special guest star that had ice skating skills, nor could he find an ice rink to rent. Sam the Eagle marched up to Kermit to complain. "Kermit, your producer skills have been responsible for some of the most repulsive crimes against cultural entertainment I have ever seen. But THIS has to be the ONE straw that breaks the camel's back!" Sopwith the Camel had happened to be passing by and gasped in disgust. "How DARE you make that remark in a presence of a camel!" he shouted as he charged towards the fussbudget bird, chasing him away. Suddenly, Gonzo came rushing to the troubled frog. "Hey Kermit! You have NO idea how excited I am that we're doing an ice show! This would be the perfect opportunity to show off my new trick where I enter the rink while bungee jumping with barbed wire!"

He thought nothing could get worse until Piggy stomped her foot in low patience. "Kermie…." She bellowed, immediately stealing Kermit's attention. "Um, eh, can I help you with anything, Piggy?" Kermit stammered. "As a matter of fact, you can. Since I'm going to be the STAR of this ice show, I'd BETTER have the perfect dance partner when I do my big number!" Kermit raised a hypothetical eyebrow, "You, the STAR?" Piggy instantly took offense and was about to karate chop him until a duo of voices came rushing towards them shouting "Froggie! Froggie! Froggie!"

It was Andy and Randy Pig, Piggy's nephews. "Boys, can't you see I'm talking to your aunt right now?" "We heard you were looking for an ice rink, so we got you one" said Andy. The two pigs then dropped a couple of small ice cubes near Kermit's flippers. "Uh, boys, what's this?" "Your ice rink for your show!" exclaimed Randy. "Will the two of you just get out of here?" Kermit yelled in frustration, shooing the dumb pigs off in his own frazzled manner.

"Not to worry Mr. Kermit" a voice rang up from behind the frog, Bunsen and Beaker were dragging out a large machine. "Muppet Labs' new Ice-Rink-O-Matic will solve our problem of a non-existent ice rink in no time flat!" Beaker added "Murr mo ma!"

Bunsen pulled a switch on the machine, and the machine started humming. There it began to secrete a liquid on the ground that, upon impact, froze instantly. Of course, the liquid's pouring rate was at a very high minimum as it flushed the entire stage, and everyone on it, in instant ice.

"Well" gulped Kermit, "I guess that solves ONE problem…" "And wait until you see my next invention for this ice spectacular!" Bunsen interjected. "It will be one of my best ones yet, mark my words, especially YOU, Beakie!" Beaker just stood still, withdrew his head in his collar, and crept along his superior.

Fozzie came running up from behind Kermit with some news, but seeing as the floor was covered in ice, he had no control and he and the frog went barreling to the wall.

"Oh Kermit, oh frog of my heart, I have GREAT news!"

What is it, bear on my ribcage?" groaned the aching frog.

"Scooter just got off the phone with Misty Yamagoofi, the world famous ice skater, and she agreed to do the ice show!" This was the best news he had heard yet. "Terrific" Kermit said. "Now, is there anything else I can do for you?" Fozzie asked. "Yes" Kermit replied, "you can get off of me and fetch me an ice pack, I have a splitting headache."

"Perfect, I'll go get the Swedish Chef" Fozzie cried, "He's making sno-cones!"

The frog fainted.


End file.
